I have decided to give my son some peace and stop pushing him to be what I want him to be. (It’s very hard).
I grew up in Liverpool in the 60’s, all the things available to children now were unheard of when I was young, but I was lucky enough to attend a Grammar School, get a decent job, meet the ‘other half’ and now our son has a very different life to what we had as children.
When my son started Primary School I was looking at High Schools, now he’s in High School I recently researched Universities abroad. I do this all the time, looking for the next big adventure, but for who? I wonder if I am trying to get him to do all the things I didn’t have the opportunity to do when I was young, regardless of his feelings towards them.
My son has been offered lessons in: horse riding, piano, rowing, dance, skiing and the rest. I have wanted to sign him up for every sport when he’s only ever loved football.
I want him to be: Top of the class, Captain of the team, Leader of the gang. He’s not interested.
He’s a friendly well-liked boy with good friends, he’s not bothered by what other people have, think or do, excellent qualities to have but why isn’t it enough for me?
I know my constant suggestions are annoying him. Recently he told me he has enjoyed the cross country running at school. He led the way and thinks his long skinny frame suits this sport. Before I had a chance to speak he said “Mum, don’t start looking for a running club”, that speaks volumes!
I don’t want him to stop telling me things and I think he might if I carry on with my pushing suggestions.
Sometimes I get on my own nerves. Why was I annoyed when he didn’t get invited to a party he didn’t want to go to, held at a venue we wouldn’t have wanted him to be in. He certainly wasn’t bothered about it.
I should be giving him space to be himself - for a kid who started school with selective mutism and is now a classroom chatterbox I think he’s done okay so far. I need to look at myself and what I need to fix about me, rather than him - because, really, he doesn't need fixing.
Pushy Mum needs to push off.
Thank you Claire for sharing your story and to Lyra for reminding me we are all individuals. After all, if you are happy in yourself why would you want to be someone else.
@nortonmum
The Uncheshire wife
This is a great post! Fair play to you for recognising this and moving forward :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks, it was hard to admit. This will be my reminder if I slip.
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Great Post and something im sure I need to remember as they grow up. I think that most parents want more than what they had, I know I do, but I think that I had a great childhood and as long as they have a little more self belief and confidence than I ever did then I know theyll have a great life x
ReplyDeleteBut when we want our children to experience as much as they can out of life, I think it's difficult not to get pushy! I often have to stop myself before asking Our Little Bear about her day because sometimes when she's tired, I can 'feel' her sighing and clamming up after a busy day. We just say that 'we're always here if you want to talk to us about anything' and hope that one day, when she does, she'll remember. Not really a comment on the topic of your post, I've just realised... It's certainly a good thing to take a step back and not interfere too much.
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